Kiwi jokes

Compliments of my Kiwi friends, here are the two worst jokes of all time:


Two prawns, Ted and Christian were swimming away from a shark when they met a cod. The cod said to them "I feel sorry for you. I'll grant you any wish you want". Ted was tired of running away from sharks, so he said "I want to be a shark" and poof, he became a shark. Christian was scared witless and swam away quickly. Ted thought being a shark was great, and for two weeks, he swam around feeling great. He soon began to feel lonely though, because every time he tried to go see his prawn friends, they swam away in fright. One day he came across the same cod. The cod said "you seem sad, what's the matter?" "I'm lonely" Ted replied, "I want to be changed back into a prawn". The cod took pity on him for a second time, and changed him back. Ted swam to see his friends happily, and and treated them all to a cocktail. He didn't see Christian though, and asked where he was. His friends told him he was at home because his best friend was trying to eat him. Ted went to his friend's house and knocked on the door. "go away" Christian shouted angrily. "You're trying to eat me!" Ted, almost in tears shouted back "It's me! I found Cod! I'm a prawn again, Christian!"

John is a huge tractor fan. He goes to tractor shows, collects models of tractors, reads tractor magazines and restores old tractors. His obsession drives his wife crazy. Finally, after five years of marriage, she's had enough. "You have to decide - the tractors or me!" she tells him angrily. John thinks long and hard, and finally he decides to give up the tractors. He sells his collections, and starts to lead a normal life. This goes on for a few months, but he starts to get more and more depressed, and starts drinking regularly at a pub down the street. One day while he was at the pub, a fire broke out and all of the patrons were trapped. The flames grew larger and larger and smoke filled the room. John suddenly jumped up on the bar let out a breath, and sucked all of the smoke and flames out of the bar. The people were obviously stunned. "John, how on earth did you do that?" asked a leggy blond. "It was easy" John replied modestly "I'm an ex tractor fan!"


Any complaints about the terrible quality of the jokes should be forwarded to Nathan and Hayden.